Saturday, March 3, 2012

It was Her Choice

Sometimes we need to let our Patients believe in themselves. Sometimes, we can also learn from them.

She knew what she was doing.

It was her Choice.

Saturday night date night again, and no date. The sky was black, the wind whipped around the corner, and not too many stars could be seen in the sky. There were just too many city lights for that. What were the alternatives?

Driving with wet fingernails, her soft hands rested comfortably on the steering wheel. At the red light on the corner of Topanga Canyon Boulevard and Ventura Boulevard now, she rested. Reaching across to her right, her arm rested on his shoulder. One day, he would not be there any more.

There was no need for words. It was just a quiet moment.

She could have been in a nightclub or a bar. The disco ball could have been dancing above the rotating line dancers. Her cowboy boots could have been kicking across the floor, with the crowd stopped to watch her swirl with an amazing dance partner that she followed in synchrony. Or her black patent leather high heels could have been sliding as her hips swayed to another Salsa dance. The usual designated driver would be getting out her keys just about now, 1:53 in the morning. They would have been leaving another place on another Saturday night, and it would still have been just another Saturday night with a car full of girls chatting about girl stuff.

She said 'no' to it all. It was her Choice.

When they got home, she tucked her son into bed. Story time was over and there was nothing in the world that could have ever replaced the moments they had together.

As she turned out the lights, she gently touched the clear glass Jar. Inside, there were folded papers of all the phone numbers of all the gentlemen whose numbers were given to her over the years. She knew she would never call them. She knew it as each handsome hand stretched out his hand to place it in her palm. She saved the numbers for nights like this. Lonely nights when she could have called a man who would have responded.

Now, the left corner of her mouth gently smiled just a hint of a smile. She would sleep well tonight. There was nothing like being with her son. Nothing.

She knew what she was doing. She was creating her own loneliness on the one hand, but on the other hand, there was something more.

So let her make her own decisions, because she is the one who has to set priorities.

She was creating memories. She was stopping regrets.

She knew what she was doing.

It was her Choice.

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